he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
