He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
