This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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