You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
