I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
