Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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