Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
