wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
