I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's shark week go big or go home
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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