Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
