Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
