no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
