well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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