Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
