Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize