R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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