You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
