I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
