But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize