you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
