I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
