I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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