Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
