Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
