you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
