I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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