I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize