I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
