took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's never too late to be topless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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