She's JV to your varsity
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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