On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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