I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Me too!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
