It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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