operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
