i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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