my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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