If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
