So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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