Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
