yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize