I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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