the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize