You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
