We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
