dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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