WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dignity is for republicans.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
