It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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