She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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