I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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