I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
