things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He felt like a one man threesome
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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