Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize