Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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