What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
