i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
