Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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