I'm going to jail i love you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
