I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
