I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
