you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
