I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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