were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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