Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
