Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
