Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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