My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My cat gives me a boner
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
