she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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