I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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