i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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