I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
